I am horrible confused at the moment. I need a job, needed one for, what, two years now? There is a secretary job that I could do, because Mom wont fucking get it (even though we both know she has not damn job in the next few weeks). A 9-5 job, but what about school? Everyone wants me to go to school. NON OF THE FUKCING CLASSES I NEED TO TAKE ARE PAST 4PM!!! How am I to continue my education if I have this job. Mom goes off the deep ended telling me I am a waist for wanting these jobs that barely pay 100 a week…..I AM GOING TO SCHOOL I CAN’T GET ANYTHIGN ELSE AT THE MOMENT!! I AM TRYING. I understand we need the money of a better paying job.
I have no self-esteem, what so ever. None. So having people look down on me for not having a job, and if I stop school I have those same people looking down at me is really fucking hard. Yes, I should say fuck them and do what I need/want anyways. *points back to self-esteem* I am a person that needs the acceptance of the people I care most about, mostly Mom and Granddad.
With granddad sick to near death I want to finish school for him. Great fine, I want to finish for myself as well. BUT!!! Any day now Mom’s job is shutting the doors. It is family run and with granddad sick and his partner an asshole, they want to shut the doors. Mom will sort of have a job working with her brother, but the pay will not be what she has now (hardly anything) and that will really screw us over since we are barely making it.
I have been putting out applications, but with the economy and shit it is hard. It is also like there is a black dot next to my name sent to every place. I don’t know what it is, but I have never, not gotten a job I had an interview for. Three interviews in the past year and nothing.
This semester I have Thur – Sun off from school…so that should help some…??
SO fucking confused and have no clue what to do at all.